Foreshadowing

I realized last night that perhaps one of the reasons why I am such a Hillary fan is because when I was 6 years old I had her haircut. Thanks Mom.

Finger Lickin' Good

It is a sad day when we are feeding our children little human fingers. To start them off as cannibals at such a young age is deplorable. Gerber, why??? Just why??

Bumper Cars

It's official. I HATE bumper stickers. Particularly political bumper stickers about abortion, the election and those god-awful ones that say something along the lines of "My child had lunch with Principal Crackhead at Dbag Elementary School." Who cares? Big deal, your kid ate lunch. Why should anyone driving behind your mini-van, minding their own business, have to be subjected to that useless piece of information.
I am also convinced that people who have anti-abortion stickers are bad drivers and a threat to everyone else on the road.

Case-in-point: The other night I was driving with a friend near the entrance to the parkway. A car in front of me, [I think it was a Toyota Corolla, for some reason all Toyota Corollas are like magnets for bumper stickers], had a sticker on it that said, "Save the Unborn" with a picture of a sorry-looking cartoon fetus next to the text. As we were driving, the fetus frenzy car proceeded to cut me off, nearly causing a dangerous accident. I suppose they were too concerned with protecting the unborn to keep an eye out for us live, already-born losers. If only I was an embryo, I wouldn't have to be mauled in an accident !

Anyway, my friend Mike suggested that I get my own bumper sticker, I mean, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?
My bumper sticker will read, "I eat the morning after pill for breakfast."

Who Gives A Puck?

I get that Sarah Palin is a mother who has sporty kids, even some that play hockey. But people need to stop pretending that being a "Hockey Mom" is some great achievement. It isn't. Who cares. Shuffling your kids to and from the ice skating rink does not make you special and it certainly does not make you qualified to rule a country. Well, except for Canada.

The Nipple Connection

What my mother said: "I'm so mad I could spit nickels."
What I thought my mother said: "I'm so mad I have stiff nipples."

Two VERY different things.... It took me a minute to consider the possibility of nipples getting stiff as a result of anger before asking her to clarify what she said.

Also, when did my mom become 120 years old? Spitting nickels?

Baby Bliss

In the midst of such recent pop culture inspirations such as Juno and that lovely little role model Jamie Lynn Spears, the McCain campaign announced this weekend that Alaskan governor and vice-president hopeful Sarah Palin is going to be a grandmother.
It turns out that her eldest daughter, 17-year-old Bristol, has a little Republican bun-in-the-oven. I guess abstinence-only sex ed is making great progress.
Call me crazy, but this Palin woman seems to be more trouble than she is worth. Not only is there a budding teen pregnancy scandal in the works, but the governor is currently under investigation in Alaska for allegedly using her power to get her ex-brother-in-law fired from his job within the state.
I am not knocking teen mothers, hell, I was in attendance at my own parents' teen wedding [in embryo form, of course], but this just seems so wonderfully ironic. Usually Republicans try to tout the "squeaky clean, cookie cutter image, steel moral and values rhetoric." I guess that angle will be thrown out the window during this election....
Most of all, I can't wait to see what this kid's name is going to be. Considering Palin's other kids are Tack, Trig, Piper and Willow, this new one should be entertaining.

So Long, Summer

Am I the only person who is happy to see summer moving along on its merry way? I am thrilled to get the chance to happily wave goodbye to the heat, the traffic, the outlandish bar covers and most of all, this......




This summer I have learned that true hell comes by way of Paramus.
Fall can't come soon enough...