Foreshadowing

I realized last night that perhaps one of the reasons why I am such a Hillary fan is because when I was 6 years old I had her haircut. Thanks Mom.

Finger Lickin' Good

It is a sad day when we are feeding our children little human fingers. To start them off as cannibals at such a young age is deplorable. Gerber, why??? Just why??

Bumper Cars

It's official. I HATE bumper stickers. Particularly political bumper stickers about abortion, the election and those god-awful ones that say something along the lines of "My child had lunch with Principal Crackhead at Dbag Elementary School." Who cares? Big deal, your kid ate lunch. Why should anyone driving behind your mini-van, minding their own business, have to be subjected to that useless piece of information.
I am also convinced that people who have anti-abortion stickers are bad drivers and a threat to everyone else on the road.

Case-in-point: The other night I was driving with a friend near the entrance to the parkway. A car in front of me, [I think it was a Toyota Corolla, for some reason all Toyota Corollas are like magnets for bumper stickers], had a sticker on it that said, "Save the Unborn" with a picture of a sorry-looking cartoon fetus next to the text. As we were driving, the fetus frenzy car proceeded to cut me off, nearly causing a dangerous accident. I suppose they were too concerned with protecting the unborn to keep an eye out for us live, already-born losers. If only I was an embryo, I wouldn't have to be mauled in an accident !

Anyway, my friend Mike suggested that I get my own bumper sticker, I mean, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?
My bumper sticker will read, "I eat the morning after pill for breakfast."

Who Gives A Puck?

I get that Sarah Palin is a mother who has sporty kids, even some that play hockey. But people need to stop pretending that being a "Hockey Mom" is some great achievement. It isn't. Who cares. Shuffling your kids to and from the ice skating rink does not make you special and it certainly does not make you qualified to rule a country. Well, except for Canada.

The Nipple Connection

What my mother said: "I'm so mad I could spit nickels."
What I thought my mother said: "I'm so mad I have stiff nipples."

Two VERY different things.... It took me a minute to consider the possibility of nipples getting stiff as a result of anger before asking her to clarify what she said.

Also, when did my mom become 120 years old? Spitting nickels?

Baby Bliss

In the midst of such recent pop culture inspirations such as Juno and that lovely little role model Jamie Lynn Spears, the McCain campaign announced this weekend that Alaskan governor and vice-president hopeful Sarah Palin is going to be a grandmother.
It turns out that her eldest daughter, 17-year-old Bristol, has a little Republican bun-in-the-oven. I guess abstinence-only sex ed is making great progress.
Call me crazy, but this Palin woman seems to be more trouble than she is worth. Not only is there a budding teen pregnancy scandal in the works, but the governor is currently under investigation in Alaska for allegedly using her power to get her ex-brother-in-law fired from his job within the state.
I am not knocking teen mothers, hell, I was in attendance at my own parents' teen wedding [in embryo form, of course], but this just seems so wonderfully ironic. Usually Republicans try to tout the "squeaky clean, cookie cutter image, steel moral and values rhetoric." I guess that angle will be thrown out the window during this election....
Most of all, I can't wait to see what this kid's name is going to be. Considering Palin's other kids are Tack, Trig, Piper and Willow, this new one should be entertaining.

So Long, Summer

Am I the only person who is happy to see summer moving along on its merry way? I am thrilled to get the chance to happily wave goodbye to the heat, the traffic, the outlandish bar covers and most of all, this......




This summer I have learned that true hell comes by way of Paramus.
Fall can't come soon enough...

Fame

Businesses need to stop calling their products "famous" when they are clearly not famous.

While driving in Long Beach Island last night, I saw three different restaurants trying to hock their products as being "famous."

There was a bagel place that was home to "Joe's Famous Bagels." Another place famous for its foot-long hot dogs... another "famous" for its crab cakes...
They obviously don't understand the concept of fame. Mickey Mouse is famous. The Coke brand is famous. Jesus is famous. Your crappy bagels are not famous.

The best example of this is Point Pleasant Beach's little gem of a restaurant called "Downtown Market." Every day, this place faxes my office a menu with their repulsive lunch specials.

A few months ago, they were promoting "The Soon-To-Be Famous Downtown Market BBQ Chicken Sandwich." Now, its is just "The Famous BBQ Chicken Sandwich." In a matter of weeks, this chicken sandwich has catapulted to fame. What is their secret?

Jo No You Didn't!

Yesterday afternoon I attended a wedding between two Jehovah's Witnesses. Although I feel as though it is cult-like, brainwashing machine of a religion, I wanted to go into the event with an open mind.
Let me set the stage: The event was held in their "church" a building called the "Kingdom Hall." This particular Kingdom Hall, which in the Witness world is simply referred to as "the hall" is made up with a lot less fanfare then most churches, synagogues, temples, ect. The building was very plain, with the meeting room containing chairs and a small stage.

Although all of the Witnesses were very friendly, things started to go downhill rather quickly. Ya know the slippery slope has begun when the ceremony begins with the "woman is created from man's rib" lil' diddy.

The man performing the ceremony, who may I add spoke with a distracting lisp, then continued on to define the roles of the man and woman in the marriage. This is when the true fun began...

Well, much to my shock, he said the MAN was the quintessential "Master of the Home" and the WOMAN was to "compliment the man." To compliment. As if she is here on earth solely to make her hubby look good. The diamond cuff links on her master's suit.

The lispy guy then went on to explain how the woman is in [and I kid you not] "subjection" to her husband. Subjection..... subjection.... Really folks? I felt like I was attending a wedding ceremony in 21 A.D. or something. It just didn't seem real that these people, these WOMEN could actually stomach what the Bible is supposedly telling them.

Cindy Brady then charmed us with a little metaphor to further illustrate the point. It went something like this: "The man and wife are like the pilot and co-pilot of a plane. You couldn't fly the plane without one another.." Gee, I wonder which one is supposed to be the co-pilot. And all that time, while all the bull was spewing from this guy's mouth, the bride, an extremely successful, talented and intelligent woman, sat there smiling and nodding. Another one bites the dust.

Now, I am all for both people pulling their weights in a marriage. If a wife wants to quit her job to become a stay-at-home mom, then I can respect her. Just because you don't receive a paycheck each week, doesn't mean you don't have a job. Arguably, a housewife/mother is the most difficult job in existence. BUT, to allow yourself to be submissive yo your husband? To hand over your identity to be his trophy, because, wait for it.... the BIBLE tells you to? I guess the group of chauvinistic dudes sitting around the table writing that farcical piece of literature really had a game plan in mind.... I felt like the woman's movement was set back one hundred years. I was waiting for the horse and buggy to arrive.

So, subjection, submission, co-piloting... where do I sign up?

Sista Sista

Last night on "Real Time with Bill Maher," Bill said that part of Michelle Obama's allure is that she is half Jackie...













And half Jackée.....

A Tale of Two Jo-Hos.

My aunt is getting married tomorrow. She is a Jehovah's Witness and is marrying another Jehovah's Witness, therefore the ceremony is going to be held in their religious gathering place, which is called "The Kingdom Hall." I am interested to see what this is like. I mean, do they have pews? Folding chairs? A big frightening Jesus hanging from the ceiling? The odd smell combination incense and old people/moth ball ? Oh Catholic church.... how I don't miss you.

More to come on what will be, I'm sure, an interesting experience.

Lucky No. 23

There are only 23 other "Melissa Peaces" in the U.S. I am pretty sure that I am cooler than all of them.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 23 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Just Because I'm A Woman?

Today the GOP nominee Sen. John McCain announced that he will be running alongside Sarah Palin, the mid-term governor of Alaska. At first I thought, "Hmm, this could be interesting. A woman chosen to be on the Republican ticket?" Then after a few short moments of research on Wikipedia I realized that Ms. Palin was nothing but a gun-toting, abortion-hating, Good ole' boy with a vagina.

It then dawned on me that McCain's camp must really believe that us scorned Hillary supporters would happily skip on over to the dark side simply because she is a woman. Mind you, I can respect that she, as a woman, has become the not only the first female governor of Alaska, but the first woman to be put on the Republican ticket, but to assume that us gals would actually vote GOP because she menstruates is absurd. If that was their strategy, then shame on them. Besides, my heart belongs to only female politician.....

To Meat, or Not To Meat

I was thinking before, in the place I think best, about maybe becoming a vegan.
Now, I love dairy products, particularly cheese, but I feel like it may help me lose weight. I mean, it really seems like it could help me become "cleansed" or something. That is what it is supposed to do right? I'm not just making that part up?
My only reservation lies in the fact that becoming vegan seems like entering some strange, granola-crunching cult. It has become more of a trendy thing to do. Maybe I will visit the B&N and investigate.... god I love Barnes and Nobles.

Ok, well I have to go study for the "Arguments" section of the LSATS, which I am taking on Oct. 4... a date that is rapidly approaching. More on that later... Good times.